Deep Cries Out

So originally I was going to write a post about the fruits of the Spirit. I was excited about it but also stressed because I was afraid I would not adequately portray them. I finally finished the post and was about to publish it, but then it all deleted. I sat on the ground as a few tears streamed, and cried out to God wondering why this one thing could not go my way. This week I have felt so anxious and overwhelmed, and I thought if I just get this blog post done with it will be successful. However, the Lord had some greater things in mind. This experience helped me realize, I was writing something just to post, not because I had something to say. While I am frustrated that the hours I poured into that post now seem like a waste, it has now got me thinking about what it is like to cry out to God in our struggles. My sophomore year of high school was a sort of dark time in my life. I had a lot going on emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. My great-grandma was in hospice and was slowly dying in the bedroom beneath mine. While I am so thankful she was able to pass in a familiar and loving home surrounded by family, it was hard to watch life dwindle from her. I remember going to school, and pretending to keep it all together so people would not ask me how I was. I remember going to youth group, and hoping it would be a place I could talk to people and trust they would listen and understand Instead someone asked why I do not like to spend time with my grandma, and told me I should have a better attitude about all of it. I remember feeling so alone despite being surrounded by people. I cried out to God, hoping that He would hear me and understand. It was during this time that I learned my God is with me through all of it, and never leaves me, nor forsakes me. God listens to all my problems, witnesses all my struggles, and supplies me the strength to get through it all. Even when I think or believe that He has left me, it always ends up being the times He was most present. I look back on sophomore year where everything seemed gray and gloomy to see that He used that season to show me how to celebrate life. There is so much to be joyful about, and it is really hard to see that sometimes when we are knee-deep in our problems. I get so caught up in my anxiety most days that I forget to live a little. I forget to have fun, laugh, and be joyful. I hold back from giving everything my all, and that is not fair to myself. Life can be frustrating, heartbreaking, and full of emptiness, but with God the impossible becomes possible, the dead come to life, and sins are stripped away. If those things are not worth celebrating, then I do not know what is. There are going to be days that suck. It happens. It is apart of life. However, we cannot let those things hold us back. God is still good when things do not go our way, and it is important to cry out to Him through all of it. When I have a crappy day, I like to sit there in my feels. I put on my sad girl hours playlist, and I sit in my unrest and wallow in my sadness. It is okay to have these moments, but it is not okay to stay there. I need to pull myself out of bed so that I can dance and sing at the top of my lungs. Let us dance in the presence of the Lord, and worship Him in all of His goodness.

Father,
Hear my prayer. Hear my cry to you.
Help me see you in the struggles of my life. Guide me with your hands.
Remind me of who You are, and your goodness.
Amen.

Song of the Week: "Deep Cries Out" by Bethel Music

Scripture of the Week: Psalm 62:1-2


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