Don't Know Why

“Lost” and “wandering” are some words that come to mind to describe how I have been feeling lately. I have been questioning who I am and the type of person I want to be; not thinking I am worthy or enough for people. I believe that I am a good person but still cannot shake this feeling. I keep going back to the things that I hold close to my heart like my wonderful friends and family, my hopes and dreams, and the promises of God. I find myself discontent and hopeless and frustrated with my faith despite having so much in my life that is okay.

I am starting to understand the restlessness of the Israelites while wandering around the desert; I am starting to understand their desire to want to dwell in the place of God; I am starting to understand the anticipation of the promises God had for them and having difficulty in times of waiting. I feel like I am in a season of waiting. I know God has great plans for me, but I am having a hard time keeping my eyes on Him and trusting in this wait. I think the hardest part I have found is that I have never had a big “come to Jesus” moment, or an experience where I can say “well, that was God”. I only listen to other people’s stories about the day they found Jesus or a moment where God made himself evident.

A couple of weeks ago, at church, they talked about a God of the details. He is within the moments and experiences we do not expect to find Him in. It is one of those things we can look back on and realize that God was working behind the scenes, or simply in the little things in our lives. The book of Esther also directly focuses on God working behind the scenes. God is actually never mentioned once throughout the book, but His hand can be seen in all that unfolds. Esther is a girl that becomes a queen -- fully known by God -- and goes on to save her people from the evils of the world. She trusted in the promises God had for her, despite never having a direct experience with God. That is something I need to find rest in too. God is working in my every day and I need to rest in the fact that His plans are so much better than mine.


Heavenly Father,
Reveal Yourself to me in the little things of each day.
Remind me of who I am in you, and that you have created me with purpose.
Help me find rest in your promises and trust in You.
Amen.
Song of the Week: "Your Promises" by Elevation Worship

Scripture of the Week: Esther 4:14

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